Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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