yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
