last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
