Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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