I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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