i think i recognize dicks better than faces
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
