you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
God I need to hump something, right now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
