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She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
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