I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk