Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name