well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
