Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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