My underwear smells like fireworks.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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