Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize