I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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