her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my being single is dangerous.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
