eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
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