70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
