my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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