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and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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