I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
