3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
