Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
