i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
