It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
