my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
