I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
