I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i now understand why vodka
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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