just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
