so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize