Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
