3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
