Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
