he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
