you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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