An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What a dumb baby whore.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
