the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
