dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I party with great urgency now.
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