if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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