I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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