If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize