Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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