You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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