what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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