glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
