So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
