he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
