Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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