I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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