id be glad to
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Less talking, more tequila
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
