So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
