I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
