new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
