UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My ass is underappreciated
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The ass gains better be worth it
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