what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
