Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
