Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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