she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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