I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
