We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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