3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
