i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
