In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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