so explain again why im purple
no
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
