Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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